Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At The Opera
by IthilielCuivienien
Summary: Just a list of things I am not allowed to do at the Opera Populaire... pure nonesense
1. Part 1

I found this wonderful list on the internet '501 things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts' and I just had to write this...

Disclaimer: I don't own Phantom of the Opera... and everything else you recognise

If you can think of any additional points, just send me an message or post them in the reviews, I'll put them in the next update (with mentioning your name, of course)

**Things I am not allowed to do in the Opera Populaire**

- Swinging on the chandelier is not allowed.

- Randomly jumping out at people, wearing the Red Death costume, shouting 'Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition' is not a good idea, no matter how funny it may seem

- I am not allowed to sing 'Dude looks like a lady' whenever I see Raoul

- I may not organise boating trips on the Phantom's underground lake

- I am not allowed to jump the Phantom

- I am not allowed to kill, torture or maim the Vicomte de Changy

- I will not give the 'Evil Overlord List' to the Phantom

- Or to the Vicomte

- Or to the managers

- I will not leave a copy of Disney's 'Beauty and the Beast' lying around

- Especially not where Erik or Christine can easily find it

- Definitely not with annotations at the end: 'does that story ring a bell with anyone?'

- I will not call Erik Quasimodo

- Or Darth Vader

- Or Death Eater in Training

- I will not compare Christine to Belle

- I will not compare Christine to Esmeralda

- I will not re-enact the French Taunter scene with the Phantom

- I will not, under any circumstances, let the Phantom have access to my Monty Python collection

- I will not introduce the members of the Opera Populaire to the Ministry of Silly Walks

- I am not allowed to ask Raoul to get me a shrubbery

- Or to ask him to fell the highest tree in the forest with a herring

- I will not ask Erik if a house ever fell on his sister

- I will also not ask Erik to accompany me to the Wizard of Oz, to ask for a 'nice face'

- After Bouquet's death, I really should not sing 'Ding dong, the witch is dead'

- When the managers talk to me, I may not start screaming 'Ni! Ni! Ni!'

- Neither may I say 'I must be drunk – I'm seeing double'

- I may not use Carlotta's doggie as a Bludger

- I am not allowed to start a food fight

- I will not leave magazines about plastical surgery lying around

- I may not jump up during rehearsals, scream 'follow the yellow brick road!' and run out of the auditorium

- I will not compare Erik to the Death of the Discworld

- Even if they DO look somewhat similar and are both able to speak in capitals

- Asking Raoul 'how do you keep someone in suspense?' and walking away isn't very nice – funny, but not nice

- I may not compare Carlotta to the evil step-sister

- Or to the Wicked Witch of the East

- Or to the annoying Good Witch of the North

- I am not allowed inside Carlotta's room

- I am also not allowed in the prop room

- Or in the costume room

- The Time Warp is not an acceptable dance for the Masquerade

- Neither is the Floor Show

- Rocky Horror costumes are not to be worn for the Masquerade either

- The same goes for Monty Python outfits

- Or Halloween costumes


	2. Part 2

**Things I am not allowed to do in the Opera Populaire** - Part 2 

- I am not allowed to be in Erik's lair alone

- Erik does not like to have the mirrors in his torture chamber decorated with window colour pictures

- Nor does he like to find me lying in his coffin

- I am not allowed to feed Raoul rat-stew

- Or rat soup

- Or anything else containing rats

- Or cockroaches

- Or spiders

- Or anthing else slimy, creepy or disgusting

- I must not tell the legend of the Piper of Hammeln to Erik

- I am not allowed to feed Raoul to the Balorg

- Or to any other big, dangerous carnivorous creatures

- It is not a good idea sing the beginning of 'Die Unstillbare Gier' (Endless Appetite, from the german musical Dance of the Vampire) when the Phantom is anywhere within hearing distance

- It is also not a good idea to sing the title song of Beauty and the Beast anytime Erik and Christine are together

- I am not allowed to tell Raoul or Christine that there is no Santa Clause

- Or Easter Bunny

- I am not allowed to tell Christine horror stories

- Especially not ones involving carzy killers in masks, eg. Friday the 13th or Halloween

- I am not allowed to place a dead dog under Christine's bed

- Or anywhere else in the Opera

- Or any other dead animal

- I am also not allowed to let any alive animals loose in the Opera house

- Especially not big and/or dangerous ones

- I will not ask Raoul what kind of underwear he is wearing

- I will not ask Erik if he is 'going commando'

- I will not write Carlotta fake love letters from Raoul

- And especially not from Erik

- I will also not write Raoul fake love letters from Erik

- Or vice versa

- I am not allowed to write fake love letters, period

- An invisible friend is not a suitable companion for meals

- Or for any other activity

- I am not allowed to play on Erik's organ

- I am not allowed to touch Erik's books

- Or rearrange them according to size

- Or colour

- Come to think of it, I am not allowed to touch ANY of Erik's belongings

- I am also not allowed to play with Erik's punjab lasso

- Or torture chamber

- I will not lock anyone in the torture chamber

- Or in the same room with Carlotta

- Especially not Raoul

- Giving Erik an electrical guitar and a speakers' system is a bad idea

- The same goes for giving him a laptop and unlimited internet access

- I am not allowed to weat T-shirts with provocative slogans – like 'You're drunk. – And you are ugly. Come tomorrow I'll be sober, but you'll still be ugly'

- Or provocative pictures

I will not wear a T-shirt saying 'I'm with Ugly' and walk beside the Phantom


End file.
